????WHY????

All my life I've hidden myself behinds walls not to let anyone in. My insides are crying out but the outside shows that everything is ok.  Afraid to show people how I really feel. Reaching out for help is a constant struggle. Why is that?

Why live in fear...?
Why live in shame...?
Why live in guilt...?
Why live in brokeness...?
Why keeps things so secretive...?

Why hide behind walls caused by abuse...?


Why is it that some people go through things and seem to can't see the light at the end of the tunnel while others can go throught the same thing and overcome and find healing? 

Why is it so shameful to talk about things that have gone on in your past. Why hold these things inward and painfully suffer alone. It wasn't my fault to begin with.

How can we truly find forgiveness from the heart?  Is it really that easy to do so?  Things that deeply hurt and changed a life forever.....How do we forgive that person like God wants us to? You can't just erase the memories out of your head.


Where is it that my healing begins?


How do you have a relationship with the person that has hurt you the most but yet you feel like you need them in your life?  or Do I really need them?

Does the person that has inflicted the pain suffer too? Do they walk around with the guilt of what they did? How do they continue on with their lives and then when they see you, don't show any remorse of what they have done? It's almost like nothing has happened but you are cringing inside with fear, guilt and shame everytime they come around.

Why is it that once wasn't enough. Why did I have to suffer over and over again.  Would have thought that it was my fault. But I know that is a lie.  Was there a sign on my forehead  that made it ok for it to happen again and again?

If my life had of started out a different way would I have gone through what I have? It sure makes me wonder.

Would I have suffered from the pain of sexual abuse by the hand of my afather? and then later on by others?

Why did this have to happen to me?

to be continued..........