Glenda Joy White
Saturday February 20th, 2000 was one of the most devestating days that I can imagine. It was the day that my mother died.
The week before this day, my mother became sick. She remained the whole day in bed, refusing to go to the doctors. She thought that she was getting the flu. After going the whole day feeling miserable, finally she subsided and went to the doctors. From the doctors she ended up in the hospital. They did tests and found out that the symptoms that she was feeling all day where signs that she has had a heart attack. They kept her in the hospital because to monitor her heart.
Her heart showed damage of having a previous heart attack. I remember her being sick the December before and so I believe that's when she had the first heart attack. Her doctor at that time said that she had pneumonia and put her on bed rest for a week. So you can just imagine my opinion about this doctor.
My father spent all his time at my mother's bedside coming home late at night. The doctors would send him home to get some rest. The doctors reassured him that my mother was going to recover. As the week was going by, my father's mood seemed to change because my mother was showing signs of getting better.
I remember talking to her on the phone one day that she was in the hospital. I told her that I wanted to come in and see her. "You just stay home and look after the boys," she told me. "I'll be fine. I will be out soon. I love you." I wasn't happy about what she said because I wanted to see her. But I guess she was just protecting me from seeing her in the condition that she was in.
I didn't get to see.
February 20th, 2000 at about 1:00 in the morning, my father gets a phone call from the hospital. My father wakes me up and tells me that he is heading in. I got up and waiting for him to return. I was getting nervous and began to cry because I didn't know what was going on. My cousin came to sit with me for awhile. When I saw him at the door, I knew.....My mother suffered another heart attack. Her heart just wasn't strong enough to handle more damage.
Who know that when she left out of the house that that would be the last time that I saw my mother. Who knew that the phone converstion we had that week would be the last conversation that I would have with my mother. I sure didn't. My heart was broken.
I sometimes can still hear my mother's voice and I look around and realize that she is not here. I sometimes have dreams about her. We would be telling her about what is going on in my life right now. But then I would wake up and rememeber that she isn't there. I still live in the same house that I grew up in when my mother and father adopted me. Maybe that is why.
Her picture sits on my piano and I am reminded everyday how blessed I am/was to have had her in my life. When I sit down to teach my students, I look at the smile on her face and know that she is watching down on me. There is so much that I didn't share with my mother, good and bad. I hid behind walls for a long time. Sometimes I regret the fact that I hid my feelings and thoughts from her but there is nothing now I can do about that. There are things that are happening in my life now that I would like to share with her and I will never get that opportunity. But I do have a peace in my heart knowing that now she knows it all. All of those unsaid things between us. She now sits with her Heavenly Father, watching down.
This song clearly depicts how I feel today (You can find it in my playlist on the side of my blog) :
One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men
Sorry, I never told you, all I wanted to say.
Now it's too late to hold you.
Cause you've flown away, so far away.
Never, Had I imagined, yeah, living without your smile.
Feelin' and knowing you hear me. It keeps me alive. Alive!
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
Picture a little scene from Heaven.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always caredAnd I miss the love we shared.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
Picture a little scene from Heaven.
Although, the sun will never shine the same,
I'll always look to a brighter day.
Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep,
You'll always listen, as I pray!
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.
Sorry, I Never told you, all I wanted to say
